Should you tell people you use cannabis on the first date?
Depends on who they are and who you are. If you're all about wearing your heart on your sleeve, you can tell them whatever you like! But also, sooner is better than later if you plan on dating them again.
Why are some daters resistant to cannabis users?
There's still a lot of stigma for cannabis users to deal with. Some people still see it as "drugs", and most people don't want to date a drug user. It's all in the perspective.
How do cannabis users navigate the dating world?
Be okay with the fact that it's normal for people to make judgements when they've just started out dating. Accept it if someone else can't accept that you use cannabis, but decide what your priorities are. If your priorities are with that person, maybe you can reduce the smoking. If your priorities are with your needs in that current moment, then accept their perspective and let bygones be bygones.
You might even wonder why such an article needs to be written anymore. After all, it’s 2020, and cannabis is as mainstream as craft beer, so why should cannabis users have any problem in the world of dating? At the same time, if you clicked on this article, it’s because some profound part of you believes that yeah, cannabis users definitely have difficulties finding a partner.
It’s not that far-fetched, is it, that a stranger should judge someone based on their personal choices and preferences about what they choose to do with their bodies? Come on, that pretty much defines the crux of the human condition. So yes, cannabis users can, and often are, on the receiving end of a lot of judgement in the quest for romance.
Dating is a world of ideals, and that’s what makes dating hard, whether you’re a cannabis user or not. Because before you log in to Tinder or OKCupid, you’ve already got some idea of who your “ideal” future partner is. And legalization or not, cannabis use isn’t usually a prerequisite for the ideal partner — and it gets less ideal when you admit that you smoke regularly.
So what’s the way around this?
That’s what we’re talking about in this article. The way around these dating difficulties for cannabis users is usually all about honesty and integrity. It’s usually more about how you communicate with the person you’re dating rather than stopping cannabis all together. So let’s have a look at some of these difficulties and what we can do about them.
Should you tell people you smoke cannabis on the first date?
If you’re using online dating platforms, then the “first date” is essentially what you write on your profile.
So should you be open about your cannabis consumption from the very beginning?
Obviously, if you’re going to show up to your first date high, then you might as well admit it from the beginning. Otherwise, it could get awkward.
Interestingly, apps like Tinder and OKCupid generally present themselves as cannabis-friendly. But there are a lot of Tinder users who swear that their volume of matches decreases when they add cannabis use to their profiles. And on their very own blog, OKCupid admitted that “weed is a dating deal-breaker”. Interestingly, in the same blog post, OKCupid reveals some data that suggests that the less okay their users were with drugs, the more okay they were with God.
Things aren’t looking good for cannabis users, are they?
Well, the answer is pretty clear. If you use online dating services, you are, quite simply, less likely to get views. If you are looking for a high quantity of people you can date or meet, or even just have the chance to meet, then you should probably keep your cannabis consumption quiet. But this has its own caveats. Like for example, you’ll have to admit it at some point down the track.
Would you date someone that uses drugs?
If you’re a cannabis user, you probably wouldn’t use the term “drug” to refer to cannabis. But a lot of those online dating profiles belong to people who have never used intoxicants before, and to them, cannabis is drugs.
Now, it’s fun to ask yourself this as a cannabis user. Would you date someone that uses drugs if those drugs weren’t cannabis? For example, if you met someone you thought was pretty attractive, and all-round, you wanted to get to know them better, but they disclosed to you that every afternoon, they liked to do a round of cocaine — would you still date them?
Your answer to this question is irrelevant to us, but it’s very relevant to you. How did you feel being asked that question? Whatever you were feeling or thinking is likely to be close to what other, non-cannabis users are thinking when they are asked that very same question.
You might be totally OK with dating someone who uses cannabis, the same way a non-cannabis user probably has no problem dating someone who drinks a glass of wine every night. But you just might have a problem with someone who likes cocaine as a snack after lunch — the same way someone who just likes to drink wine might have a problem with you smoking a joint as a midnight snack.
Is dating all about judgements?
The sad answer is — yes. Of course it is.
You can’t know someone inside out on the first date. Everything you think you know is pretty much just a judgement in those formative days… which is why it’s important to be a good judge of character.
There’s really no reason to sugar coat it. If someone refuses to date you because you use cannabis, they are judging you for the fact that you use cannabis. But is that something to get upset about?
People make these judgements everyday based on how they can move forward in their lives. Workplaces have to make these judgements before employing people, and even security makes this judgement before letting you into an event. So you should undoubtedly be making these judgements when you’re deciding who you’re going to date, especially in case you accidentally end up pro-creating with them.
What are your priorities?
The biggest dating difficulty that a cannabis user confronts is in deciding what’s most important to them. No cannabis user wants to be judged (no one wants to be judged), especially about their cannabis use. But what happens if you fall in love so deeply that it’s actually worth quitting cannabis?
See, all this gets pretty messy, because if someone really wants to date you, they shouldn’t ask you to give up something that’s really important to you. And you might decide just that — you don’t want to be with someone whose request is that unreasonable. And that’s fair enough. Because obviously, what you want is just as important as what your potential match wants.
It reminds me of a time near the end of high school, when my ballet teacher told me I should either give up ballet or give up smoking. Needless to say, I gave up ballet. But these are the kinds of priorities I’m talking about — what’s most important to you, now?
This really is the biggest dating difficulty, because cannabis users also want to date, fall in love, be promiscuous and have fun. All of these things are equally as important as being able to smoke cannabis freely around your partner.
Which brings us to the inevitable question…
Are cannabis users destined to date other cannabis users?
That would certainly make dating easier, wouldn’t it? It’s not always that simple, because what if you just don’t find another cannabis user of your preferred gender that you like enough to date? But in any case, a cannabis user is safest with another cannabis user — at least that’s a thing that you’ll never judge each other about.
Having to explain yourself as a cannabis user to someone who doesn’t use it is taxing, and it’s so tedious. It’s much nicer just to be accepted for who you are, which is infinitely easier for someone who has at least tried cannabis before. And so maybe cannabis users are destined to date other cannabis users or other have-been cannabis users.
There is an element of understanding there, the same way that an artist may want to date another artist. It’s not so much about keeping the status quo — it’s just more practical and often makes more sense than a CEO dating a street artist. There has to be a certain level of reciprocity between the two people, not just sexually, but in terms of their interests, goals, and passions.
And why should it be any different with cannabis? You can have a completely successful life, even as a cannabis user, so you would have to really, really, really, love someone to spend your life trying to persuade them that your cannabis use is OK.
There are really no rules when it comes to dating (other than consent, which is a really important rule), it’s all about what everyone wants. And at the very, very crux of that, one thing will always remain true:
If you want to smoke cannabis, no one can really convince you otherwise. And if someone really doesn’t want their partner to smoke cannabis, you can’t change their minds either.
So don’t hide who you are to your potential mates. You should flaunt yourself, in all of your cannabis smoking beauty, for the person who wants you. And then you’ll never have to convince or persuade them of anything.
Have you encountered dating difficulties as a cannabis user? How did you get around them? We want to hear from you in the comments!
1 thought on “Love in the Time of Cannabis: Dating Difficulties for Cannabis Users”
Good to know